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My advice is, as others have said, have no expectations, expect that you will spend the majority of holidays, birthdays, family gatherings, valentines day, anniversaries alone or with other family or friends. Sadly, my ward shuns us.
Hopefully they have some say in it, but I'm speaking about other churchgoers' expectations here, and probably your wife's. Probably, not Mount Meadows level, but be prepared to have to apologize on her behalf a lot.
While Scientology is way worse hopefully the parallels will get her thinking. This happened to me, and it took me forever to get out of the cult.
Trust your instincts and your spiritual promptings.
There were times I asked him if he was seeing someone else and both times he answered no. Do you drink alcohol.